Quotes - Part Twenty-Seven

 

501.                   Whining is anger through a small opening.

--Stuart Smalley

502.                   You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude.  But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work.  Most of ’em just cheat on you.

–Kevin Smith as Silent Bob in “Clerks”

503.                   If God wanted us to believe in him, then he’d exist.

--Linda Smith

504.                   It’s hard to take a villain seriously when he has “Moff” in his title.

--J. Loren Soderburgh, on “The Brunching Shuttlecocks”

505.                   I love that choosing where you want to live now is just deciding which natural disasters you could put up with.

--@Soeljchjillinger

506.                   Why is it called northern mythology when they talk about Thor and Odin, but when you come to God and Allah it’s suddenly called religion?  The difference is of course that most of us have realized that Thor and Odin don’t exist.  But only a few of us have realized that the others are just fantasy too.  I mean, historians are atheists when it comes to Thor and Odin.  It’s like saying, “I know Batman and Superman is just fantasy, but I have a close and personal relationship with Spider-man.”

--Dag Sørås

507.                   I like the concept of soulmates ­– not a “you’re destined to meet me, and love me” kind of soulmate, but a “I’d pick you, every time” kind of soulmate.  A “no matter what happens, and what has happened, I want to go through it with you” kind of soulmate.  An “I love you by choice, and you’re a blessing, and I’m going to continue thinking about you this way, not because I have to, but because I want to” kind of soulmate.  A “you help me rest easy when everything is difficult” kind of soulmate.  An “in every possible outcome, I want you there, to share it with me” kind of soulmate.

--@spectralsuggestions

508.                   Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.

--Tim Steeves

509.                   No one is more carnal than a recent virgin.

--John Steinbeck

510.               Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don’t eat pork. I’m sorry, what was that last one? Don’t eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

--Jon Stewart

511.               When I was six years old my father said to me… He said, “Son, stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse. People are no damn good, but they will always need land and they’ll pay through the nose to get it!”

--Lex Luthor in “Superman”

512.               It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

--Stewart’s Law of Retroaction

513.               Of course, sometimes I wonder how dangerous this whole high-voltage stuff really is. I mean, isn’t this how lots of super-villains get started?

--Stick Figure Warning-Man

514.               </mr nice guy>

--StickManStickMan

515.               The meaning of life is “things which are alive.”

--StickManStickMan

516.               Try our new online cheese, e-dam.

--StickManStickMan

517.               I had a linguistics professor who said that it’s man’s ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there’s one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren’t afraid of vacuum cleaners.

--Jeff Stilson

518.               Look forward to the day when you have cleansed the universe of your enemy and carved their bones into flutes for your children to play.

--J. Michael Straczinsky, G’Kar in “Babylon 5”

519.               You can get further with a kind word and a two by four, than you can with just a kind word.

--J. Michael Straczinsky, Marcus in “Babylon 5”

520.               I used to complain about life being unfair. Then I thought, if life were fair, then all the bad things that happen to us would be because I deserve it. So now I take great comfort at the injustice and unfairness of the universe.

--J. Michael Straczinsky, Marcus in “Babylon 5”

521.               Welcome to R’lyeh Spaceport. Please pick up your bags as they emerge from fifth-dimensional space. Please do not stand near any ninety-degree angles. Please avoid any sentient colours. Please do not make religious offerings until you have exited the premises. Thank you and ftagn.

--John Strobel

522.               If I say, “You’re welcome,” that’s not a binding contract involving my soul in any way, is it?

--said to John Strobel

523.               I have a computer science degree from 1991, which is a bit like having an aeronautical engineering degree from 1927.

--Charles M. Stross

524.               Leaving aside the idolatry implicit in taking a mere book as a more authoritative source of truth than divine revelation, there are damaging consequences when a belief system collides with reality. If the world was created in six days six-thousand-odd years ago, then a whole bunch if evidence relating to geology, biology, paleontology, genetics, and evolution had to be ignored - or, much harder, refuted. Which is easy enough if they don’t hold with schoolbook larnin’, but it’s difficult to practice general medicine if your religion says bacteria can’t evolve antibiotic resistance, and hard to be a geologist if your cosmology is incompatible with continental drift.

--Charles M. Stross

525.               Mostly, when you see programmers, they aren’t doing anything. One of the attractive things about programmers is that you cannot tell whether or not they are working simply by looking at them. Very often they’re sitting there seemingly drinking coffee and gossiping, or just staring into space. What the programmer is trying to do is get a handle on all the individual and unrelated ideas that are scampering around in his head.

--Charles M. Stross

Quotes - Part Twenty-Six

 

435.                   A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.

--PS Magazine, August 1993 issue, page 9

436.                   Do not trust the way you see yourself when your mind is turbulent and remember that even pain is temporary.  Honor your boundaries, treat yourself gently, let go of perfection, and feel your emotions without letting them control you.  You have enough experience to face the storm and evolve from it.

--Yung Pueblo, Resilience When asked, “How do you get through the tough moments?”

437.                   Of course, anyone who truly loves books buys more of them than he or she can hope to read in one fleeting lifetime. A good book, resting unopened in its slot on a shelf, full of majestic potentiality, is the most comforting sort of intellectual wallpaper.

--David Quammen

438.                   It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment; it’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

--Dan Quayle

439.                   I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.

--Gilda Radner

440.                   But is zero divided by zero also one? If no fruits are divided among no one, will each still get one?

--Srinivasa Ramanujan as a young child

441.                   I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.

--@rebelcircus

442.                   Don’t have the stats to hand, but RedEye would guess that the number of copies of “Doom” involved in handgun killings last year was significantly lower than the number of handguns involved in handgun killings.

--RedEye, in Edge magazine

443.                   You know what would be cool? A One Ring loose-leaf binder. It would have one ring, and you could use it in the darkness. To, you know, bind things.

--Alter Reiss

444.               It’s a journey; not every step we take will be forward.

--Elrond in "Rings of Power”

445.               We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves.

--François de La Rochefoucauld

446.               Until humans learn to tolerate – no, that’s not enough; to positively value each other – until we can value the diversity here on earth, then we don’t deserve to go into outer space and encounter the infinite diversity out there.

–Gene Roddenberry

447.               Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.

--Paul Rodriguez

448.               Understanding your partner’s childhood trauma and triggers is a love language.

--Ricch Rody

449.               Diplomacy is the art of saying, “Nice doggie,” until you can find a rock.

-Will Rogers

450.               Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.

--Will Rogers

451.               I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: “No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall”.

--Eleanor Roosevelt

452.               I was bad at getting girls in high school, even when I tried to use the angle of being in a band.  I’d be like, “Yo, what’s up girl?  You wanna come see my band on Friday?”

“Maybe… What the name of your band?”

“Marching

--Tim Ross

453.               In the fall of 1972, President Nixon announced that the rate of increase of inflation was decreasing. This was the first time a sitting president used the third derivative to advance his case for reelection.

--Hugo Rossi

454.               Truth is. Belief is not required.

--Gerry Roston

455.               We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.

--Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

456.               Every time I date a man I think: Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

--Rita Rudner

457.               I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

--Rita Rudner

458.               I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

--Rita Rudner

459.               I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

--Rita Rudner

460.               My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

--Rita Rudner

461.               My husband is English and I’m American. I wonder what our children would be like. They’d probably be rude, but disgusted by their own behavior.

--Rita Rudner

462.               Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There’s no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib, and said, “Look, it’s always gonna be me!”

--Rita Rudner

463.               Only someone who understands something absolutely can explain it so no one else can understand it.

--Rudnicki’s Nobel Prize Principle

464.               If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

--Sara K. Runnels

465.               Strange things happen when you’re in debt. Two weeks ago my car broke down and my phone got disconnected. I was one electric bill away from being Amish.

--Tom Ryan

466.               When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

--Frederick Ryder

467.               The fact is that far more crime and child abuse has been committed by zealots in the name of God, Jesus, and Mohammed than has ever been committed in the name of Satan.  Many people don’t like that statement, but few can argue with it.

--Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark

468.               The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

--Carl Sagan

469.               Those who take lightly promises they make to those they love are people who find little lasting satisfaction in life. This is not an easy time in which to live. That does not mean that it has to be a difficult time to love, but it does mean that you will find unusual stresses upon your lives and your relationship.

--Brandon Sanderson, The Well of Ascension

470.               I’m writing my PhD thesis in theoretical physics, and every time I have to decide between using > and <, I think to myself, “The crocodile wants to eat the bigger number.”

--@sapphirelily

471.               Why does everyone force introverts to be talkative and leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up, even for a minute, to make the zone more comfortable?

--@sarcasmmother

472.               If you strike me down, I shall become bluer and shinier than you can possibly imagine. That and my voice will echo. Like this: ECHO!!! Echo! echo…

--sarge21, “PD Central”

473.               Family doesn’t push your buttons, they installed them.

--Adam Savage

474.               The only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

--Adam Savage

475.               Remember kids, all human progress is behind a vanguard of homicidal maniacs.

--Adam Savage

476.               The right hand doesn’t know that the left hand has been cut off.

--Paul D. Schmitter

477.               Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”

--Charles Schulz, “Peanuts”

478.               Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.

--Norman Schwartzkopf

479.               If we would get off our butts and provide the necessary funding for research, we would have a cure for all types of cancers.

--Norman Schwarzkopf

480.               Abraham Lincoln once said that if you’re a racist, I will attack you with the north.

--Michael Scott

481.               Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T‑shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

--Jerry Seinfeld

482.               There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.”

--Jerry Seinfeld

483.               When you enjoy something, you must never let logic get too much in the way. Like the villains in all the James Bond movies. Whenever Bond breaks into the complex: “Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn’t work.”

--Jerry Seinfeld

484.               It’s a shame that stupidity isn’t painful.

--Todd Selburg

485.               In life, you’ll be misunderstood.  At some point, you’ll be made out to be something you’re not.  When this happens, it’s not as important to defend yourself as it is to know yourself.  Know who you are, know what you mean, and know enough to feel secure even though you’re not seen.

--@sgrstk

486.               [Opera is when] a tenor and a soprano want to make love, but are prevented from doing so by a baritone.

--George Bernard Shaw

487.               When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do they part.

--George Bernard Shaw

488.               The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial mounds.

--@shutupmikeginn

489.               One very important ingredient of success is a good, wide-awake, persistent, tireless enemy.

--Frank B. Shutts

490.               I’m just sayin’, everyone that confuses correlation with causation eventually ends up dead.

--@SilverVVulpes

491.               The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

--Roger Simon

492.               Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.

--Homer Simpson

493.               We love Edgar Allan Poe, because he portrays universal human emotions like: loss, grief, unrequited love, burying your enemy alive in the cellar, and being scared out of your mind by a bird.

--@SketchesbyBoze

494.               Most cutting thing you can say is, “Who’s this clown?” because it implies they’re a) a clown, and b) not even one of the better-known clowns.

--@skullmandible

495.               Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10-foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

--Slashdot

496.               Not only does Jesus save, but he makes nightly off-site backups.

--Slashdot

497.               Everyone’s “fifteen minutes of fame” is turning into everyone’s reality show slo-mo farewell montage.

--Emily Slatten

498.               If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.

--Slous

499.               Nothing can be done in one trip.

--Snider

500.               We are the Superconductors. Resistance is futile.

--Colonel Sponsz, on Slashdot