Quotes - Part Twenty-Seven

 

501.                   Whining is anger through a small opening.

--Stuart Smalley

502.                   You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude.  But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work.  Most of ’em just cheat on you.

–Kevin Smith as Silent Bob in “Clerks”

503.                   If God wanted us to believe in him, then he’d exist.

--Linda Smith

504.                   It’s hard to take a villain seriously when he has “Moff” in his title.

--J. Loren Soderburgh, on “The Brunching Shuttlecocks”

505.                   I love that choosing where you want to live now is just deciding which natural disasters you could put up with.

--@Soeljchjillinger

506.                   Why is it called northern mythology when they talk about Thor and Odin, but when you come to God and Allah it’s suddenly called religion?  The difference is of course that most of us have realized that Thor and Odin don’t exist.  But only a few of us have realized that the others are just fantasy too.  I mean, historians are atheists when it comes to Thor and Odin.  It’s like saying, “I know Batman and Superman is just fantasy, but I have a close and personal relationship with Spider-man.”

--Dag Sørås

507.                   I like the concept of soulmates ­– not a “you’re destined to meet me, and love me” kind of soulmate, but a “I’d pick you, every time” kind of soulmate.  A “no matter what happens, and what has happened, I want to go through it with you” kind of soulmate.  An “I love you by choice, and you’re a blessing, and I’m going to continue thinking about you this way, not because I have to, but because I want to” kind of soulmate.  A “you help me rest easy when everything is difficult” kind of soulmate.  An “in every possible outcome, I want you there, to share it with me” kind of soulmate.

--@spectralsuggestions

508.                   Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.

--Tim Steeves

509.                   No one is more carnal than a recent virgin.

--John Steinbeck

510.               Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don’t eat pork. I’m sorry, what was that last one? Don’t eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

--Jon Stewart

511.               When I was six years old my father said to me… He said, “Son, stocks may rise and fall, utilities and transportation systems may collapse. People are no damn good, but they will always need land and they’ll pay through the nose to get it!”

--Lex Luthor in “Superman”

512.               It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

--Stewart’s Law of Retroaction

513.               Of course, sometimes I wonder how dangerous this whole high-voltage stuff really is. I mean, isn’t this how lots of super-villains get started?

--Stick Figure Warning-Man

514.               </mr nice guy>

--StickManStickMan

515.               The meaning of life is “things which are alive.”

--StickManStickMan

516.               Try our new online cheese, e-dam.

--StickManStickMan

517.               I had a linguistics professor who said that it’s man’s ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there’s one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren’t afraid of vacuum cleaners.

--Jeff Stilson

518.               Look forward to the day when you have cleansed the universe of your enemy and carved their bones into flutes for your children to play.

--J. Michael Straczinsky, G’Kar in “Babylon 5”

519.               You can get further with a kind word and a two by four, than you can with just a kind word.

--J. Michael Straczinsky, Marcus in “Babylon 5”

520.               I used to complain about life being unfair. Then I thought, if life were fair, then all the bad things that happen to us would be because I deserve it. So now I take great comfort at the injustice and unfairness of the universe.

--J. Michael Straczinsky, Marcus in “Babylon 5”

521.               Welcome to R’lyeh Spaceport. Please pick up your bags as they emerge from fifth-dimensional space. Please do not stand near any ninety-degree angles. Please avoid any sentient colours. Please do not make religious offerings until you have exited the premises. Thank you and ftagn.

--John Strobel

522.               If I say, “You’re welcome,” that’s not a binding contract involving my soul in any way, is it?

--said to John Strobel

523.               I have a computer science degree from 1991, which is a bit like having an aeronautical engineering degree from 1927.

--Charles M. Stross

524.               Leaving aside the idolatry implicit in taking a mere book as a more authoritative source of truth than divine revelation, there are damaging consequences when a belief system collides with reality. If the world was created in six days six-thousand-odd years ago, then a whole bunch if evidence relating to geology, biology, paleontology, genetics, and evolution had to be ignored - or, much harder, refuted. Which is easy enough if they don’t hold with schoolbook larnin’, but it’s difficult to practice general medicine if your religion says bacteria can’t evolve antibiotic resistance, and hard to be a geologist if your cosmology is incompatible with continental drift.

--Charles M. Stross

525.               Mostly, when you see programmers, they aren’t doing anything. One of the attractive things about programmers is that you cannot tell whether or not they are working simply by looking at them. Very often they’re sitting there seemingly drinking coffee and gossiping, or just staring into space. What the programmer is trying to do is get a handle on all the individual and unrelated ideas that are scampering around in his head.

--Charles M. Stross