301.
It’s in the quiet I miss you most when my mind
has the chance to wander and my heart has a moment to remember.
--Lola Lawrence
302.
We die a little every day and by degrees we’re
reborn into different men, older men in the same clothes, with the same scars.
--Mark Lawrence,
King of Thorns
303.
No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your
defeats – approximately one billion Chinese couldn’t care less.
--Lazlo’s Chinese Relativity Axiom
304.
Life Sucks; get a Helmet.
--Dennis Leary
305.
Physics
isn’t a religion. If it were, we’d have a much easier time raising money.
--Leon Lederman
306.
Base 8 is just like base 10, really… if you’re missing
two fingers
--Tom Lehrer, “The New Math”
307.
I know there are people who hate other people, and
I hate people like that!
--Tom Lehrer
308.
If God doesn’t destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes
Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
--Jay Leno
309.
It was on this day in 1865 that President Lincoln
was shot at Ford’s Theatre by actor John Wilkes Booth. It was also the beginning
of a feud between Republican presidents and actors that continues until this day.
--Jay Leno
310.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing about
average.
--Leonard Levinson
311.
Based on what you know about him in history books,
what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
a) Writing his memoirs
of the Civil War.
b) Advising the President.
c) Desperately clawing
at the inside of his coffin.
--David Letterman
312.
You can tell the holidays are close. You can feel
it. Today a 70-foot Norway spruce was selected as the Rockefeller Center Christmas
Tree. What says the holidays better than the destruction of a 200-year-old miracle
of nature?
--David Letterman
313.
The White House says
--David Letterman
314.
When I became a man, I put away childish things,
including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.
--C.S. Lewis
315.
Petition to replace “quantitative” and “qualitative”
with “numbery” and “feely”.
--Michael Leung
316.
I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that
exist seemingly for the sole accommodation of these so‑called limerick writers
– and even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from physical deformities
and spend their time dismembering relatives at fancy dress balls.
--Editor of the Limerick Times (
317.
There are two rules for success: 1) Never tell everything
you know.
--Roger H. Lincoln
318.
Equal rights for others does not mean less rights
for you. It’s not pie.
--The Little Market
319.
That moment when you finish a book, look around,
and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives… As though you didn’t just experience
emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback.
--LOLSnaps.com
320.
A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful
sounds you’ll ever hear. Unless it’s 3
AM, you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.
--@lolsotrue
321.
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose
will begin to itch.
--Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair
322.
It ain’t over until all reality is reduced to a
single point of infinite gravity…
--Jeph Loeb, Ed McGuinness, Superman:
Emperor Joker
323.
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback
riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
--Susie Loucks
324.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
anyway.
--Lowery’s Law
325.
You cannot have an elliptical orbit that passes through
the Schwarzschild radius. I mean, more than once.
--Paul Lutus, sci.physics
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