Quotes - Part Fourteen

So one of things that I'm learning as I post these are whose quotes I'm keeping.  Some of the quotes I had were relatively old, and knowing who some of these people have become over time, it's kind of obvious in retrospect.

161.                   In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it’s the exact opposite.

--Paul Dirac

162.                   It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.

--Walt Disney

163.                   If you can’t take the heat, don’t set yourself on fire.

--Doghouse Diaries

164.                   Think not of the books you’ve bought as a “to be read” pile.  Instead, think of your bookcase as a wine cellar.  You collect books to be read at the right tie, the right place, and the right mood.

--Luc van Donkersgoed

165.                   Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils: people who shouldn’t drink with people who shouldn’t sing.

--Tom Dreesen

166.                   So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work.

--Peter Drucker

167.                   Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

--Ducharme’s Precept

168.                   Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice.

--Will Durant (1885 - 1981)

169.                   Every now and then it’s nice to pick your head up from you book, reacquaint yourself with the world around you, take a hard pass, and immediately go right back to reading.

--Jonathon Edward Durham

170.               I recommend no fewer than four copies of any beloved book.  A paperback for traveling and lending to friends, an eBook for reading with greasy snack fingers, an audio book so you know how the characters’ names are pronounced, and a pristine hardcover to be buried with you like a pharaoh.

--Jonathon Edward Durham

Quotes - Part Thirteen

 

151.                   I’m sorry, but “non-fungible” will always mean “impossible to turn into a mushroom” to me.

--@DarkLiterata

152.                   I cannot persuade myself that a beneficent and omnipotent God would have designedly created parasitic wasps with the express intention of their feeding within the living bodies of caterpillars.

--Charles Darwin

153.                   I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.

--Richard Dawkins

154.                   Living organisms are beautifully built to survive and reproduce in their environments.  Or that is what Darwinians say. But actually, it isn’t quite right.  They are beautifully built for survival in their ancestors’’ environments.

--Richard Dawkins

155.                   You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.

--Ellen DeGeneres

156.                   The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.

--Neil deGrasse-Tyson

157.                   Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.

--Philip K. Dick

158.                   Love: a season’s pass on the shuttle between Heaven and Hell.

--Don Dickerman

159.                   Personally, I like to surround myself with people who have extensive vocabularies, but nevertheless choose to say “fuck” a lot.

--@diemydarkling

160.               A god that does not manifest in reality is indistinguishable from a god that does not exist.

--Matt Dilahunty

Quotes - Part Twelve

 

141.                   Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy‑five cents.

--Billiam Coronel

142.                   Paper is always strongest at the perforations.

--Corry

143.                   You get a little moody sometimes, but I think that’s because you like to read.  People that like to read are always a little fucked up.

–Pat Conroy

144.                   If something happens, it must be possible.

--Scott Cox’s First Law of Physics

145.                   The key to winning arguments… is to always be right. And to be able to prove that you’re right so conclusively that no one can prevail against you

--John Cramer, Einstein’s Bridge (spoken by a character)

146.                   How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!

--Frasier Crane, in Frasier

147.                   When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?”

--Quentin Crisp

148.                   Women need a reason to have sex – men just need a place.

--Billy Crystal.

149.                   The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.

--Salvador Dali

150.               The Gauls are the ancestors of today’s Frenchmen, as evidenced by their haughty imperious manner, and their total surrender to the Romans.

--C.H. Dalton, A Practical Guide to Racism

Quotes - Part Eleven

131.                   Light sabers don’t kill people. Jedis kill people.

--Jim Clark

132.                   Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

--Arthur C. Clarke

133.                   Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories

--Arthur C. Clarke

134.                   I find it so funny that “The Addams Family” is basically meant to be a caricature of what the polar opposite of the picturesque happy suburban family might look like, and part of that includes a husband that is deeply in love with his wife, and a wife that doesn’t resent her husband.

--Kentington Clarke

135.                   For safety’s sake, I try not to go to the ATM at night. I also try not to go with my four-year-old who likes to scream, “We got money! We got money!”

--Paul Clay

136.                   I think that all right‑thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not! But I’m sick and tired of being told that I am!

--John Cleese, “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”

137.                   Your blood relations are just your suggested pre-generated party members, but it’s perfectly okay to ditch as many of them as you like, and craft an entire party of Lizard-folk pyromancer instead or whatever suits you.

--Oliver Clegg

138.                   Sleeping with a military guy, and then telling him he can’t stay over because of the 3^rd Amendment.

--@coolauntV

139.                   I don’t know who needs to hear this, but rest is not a reward.  You don’t have to earn rest.  You need rest.  You deserve rest.  You are worthy of rest simply because you are a living being.  And don’t ever feel guilty for taking time to rest.

--@coolurbanhippie

140.               My friend said, “Fahrenheit is how people feel.  Celsius is how water feels.  Kelvin is how the molecules feel.” And I can’t stop thinking about how much sense this makes.

--Kennedy T. Cooper

Quotes - Part Ten

 

117.                   What you see but cannot see over is as good as infinite.

--Thomas Carlyle

118.                   If you aren’t sure which way to do something, do it both ways and see which works better.

--John Carmack

119.                   Note to self: pasty-skinned programmers ought not stand out in the Mojave desert for multiple hours.

--John Carmack

120.                   Maybe there is no actual place called Hell. Maybe Hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches.

--Jim Carrey

121.                   As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life, so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.

--Matt Cartmill

122.                   When you vote liberal, you are voting to teach children dinosaur propaganda.

--Ben Carson at the RNC

123.                   For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

--Johnny Carson

124.                   A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad.

--Christopher Case

125.                   There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

--Dick Cavett, mocking the TV‑violence debate

126.               You cannot possess me for I belong to myself, but while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give.  You cannot command me, for I am a free person, but I shall serve you in those ways you require, and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.  I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud at night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.  I pledge to you the first bite from my meat, and the first drink from my cup.  I pledge to you my living and dying, equally in your care, and tell no strangers our grievances.  This is my wedding vow to you.  This is a marriage of equals.

Celtic marriage vows (traditional)

127.               The objection to fairy stories is that they tell children there are dragons. But children have always known there are dragons. Fairy stories tell children that dragons can be killed.

--G.K. Chesterton

128.               I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

--Winston Churchill

129.               Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

--Winston Churchill

130.               There are over 6 billion people on the planet, and a lot of them suck.

--Derek Clark, the-elite.net

Quotes - Part Nine

So today, I bring you George Carlin. I remember heading to a party with my wife-to-be in Sacramento, and the radio said that George Carlin was going to be in concert that night in Sacramento.  We seriously thought about going, and soon after when we heard he died, we wished we had gone to see him.

I think missing seeing him is up there with the New Year's Eve double concert of Huey Lewis and the News & Tower of Power that I wish I had called in sick to while working at Sizzler are two of my biggest regrets.

But anyway, here's George:

100.                   Have you ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

--George Carlin

101.                   I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

--George Carlin

102.                   If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

--George Carlin

103.                   It is impossible to see accurately how you look in your sunglasses.

--George Carlin

104.                   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

--George Carlin

105.                   Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

--George Carlin

106.                   Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

--George Carlin

107.                   The very existence of flame-throwers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

--George Carlin

108.               Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.

–George Carlin

109.               Some people see things that are and ask, “Why?” Some people dream of things that never were and ask, “Why not?” Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

--George Carlin

110.               I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious.

--George Carlin

111.               If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

--George Carlin

112.               May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

--George Carlin

113.               Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky, and he has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these things he will send you to a place full of fire, and smoke, and burn and torture forever and ever ‘til the end of time… But he loves you! And he needs money.

--George Carlin

114.               The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

--George Carlin

115.               Those who dance are considered insane by those who can’t hear the music.

--George Carlin

116.               Tonight’s forecast: dark. Continuing dark throughout the night and turning to widely scattered light in the morning.

--George Carlin

Quotes - Part Eight

 

88.                   I don’t have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

--Ashleigh Brilliant

89.                   Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.

--Ashleigh Brilliant

90.                   My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

--Ashleigh Brilliant

91.                   I am a vegetarian not because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

--A. Whitney Brown

92.                   The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it’s you.

--Rita Mae Brown

93.                   Lasers improve everything. Well, except Alderaan.

--Tim Buckley

94.                   That was Black Magic, and it was easy to use. Easy and fun. Like Legos.

--Jim Butcher, Fool Moon

95.                   Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

--Red Buttons

96.                   History does not always repeat itself. Sometimes it just yells, “Can’t you remember anything I told you?” and lets fly with a club.

--John W. Campbell

97.               Christians say not to practice witchcraft or astrology but celebrate the resurrection of a dead guy on the Sunday after the first full moon of the equinox.  And then they drink wine and bread as his blood and body, and chant over their animal sacrifices before they feast.

--@camwhiteastro

98.               When all else fails, read the instructions.

--Cann’s Axiom

99.               You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.

--Al Capone