376.
White supremacy is for extremely fragile people and
sad men like him [Rep. Paul Gosar], whose self-concept relies on the myth that
he was born superior because deep down he knows he couldn’t open a pickle jar
or read a whole book by himself.
--Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
377.
Never invite vegetarians to a barbecue; it’s like
inviting lesbians to a dick sucking festival.
--Eddie Olavarrieta
378.
Ever realized how fucking surreal reading a book
is? You stare at marked slices of tree
for hours on end, hallucinating vividly.
--Katie Oldham
379.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after
you need it.
--Sir Lawrence Olivier
380.
After all is said and done, much is said and little
is done.
--Olmstead
381.
Remember:
The old adage “Fight fire with fire” does not apply to
non-metaphorical fires.
--The
Onion
382.
Terrifying Sea Monster Turns Out To Be Even More Terrifying
Amphibious Monster
--The
Onion
383.
Sure, Jesus may have died for your sins, but ask
yourself who let an eagle eat his liver every single day just so you could have
fire.
--Thomas Pack
384.
Nothing concentrates the military mind so much as
the discovery that you have walked into an ambush.
--Thomas Packenham
385.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It
should be thrown with great force.
--Dorothy Parker
386.
I look just like the girls next door… if you happen
to live next door to an amusement park.
--Dolly Parton
387.
I’m not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because
I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blond.
--Dolly Parton
388.
If
you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and
then giving Fido only two of them.
--Phil Pastoret
389.
The
object of war is not to die for your country but to make
the other bastard die for his.
--General George S. Patton
390.
Kids today think the world revolves around them. In
my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back
of a giant tortoise.
--Jonathan Paul,
Garrett Park
391.
Welcome to Starsky & Hutch: the videogame! Press
A to put on cardigan. Press B to drive through boxes
--Andrew Pearson
392.
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
--John Peers
393.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
and you are not in this world to live up to mine. And if by chance we find each other, it’s
beautiful.
--Fritz Perls
394.
Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it.
--Irene Peter
395.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match
for me at kick boxing.
--Emo Philips
396.
I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally
ill live in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently
doing quite well for themselves.
--Emo Philips
397.
My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung
by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.
--Emo Philips
398.
My sister married a German. He complained he
couldn’t get a good bagel back home. I said, “Well, whose fault is that?”
--Emo Phillips
399.
Be the sunken, non-Euclidean ruins you want to
see in this world.
--Philosophalopod
400.
Don’t judge a chittering grimoire bound in
unsettling leather by its cover.
--Philosophalopod
401.
If you can’t handle me dreaming in my sunken
city, then you don’t deserve me in my writhing eldritch god-form.
--Philosophalopod
402.
You can lead an eldritch abomination to a
virginal sacrifice, but you can’t make it feast.
--Philosophalopod
No comments:
Post a Comment