550.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or
no influence on society.
--Mark Twain
551.
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should
challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to
a quiet place and kill him.
--Mark Twain
552.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
--Mark Twain
553.
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
--Mark Twain
554.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only
the wisdom that is in it – and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down
on a hot stove‑lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove‑lid again – and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
--Mark Twain
555.
Ever
consider what [dogs] must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery
store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think
we’re the greatest hunters on earth!
--Anne Tyler
556.
In
dog years, I’m dead.
--Unknown
557.
The
greatest song written was conjured by an Italian for a scene in a Western
filmed in Spain where a Polish man pretending to be a Mexican bandit does a gay
little run through a graveyard for three and a half minutes uninterrupted.
--Unknown
558.
The
perfect guy is not the one who has the most money, or the most handsome one
you’ll meet. He is the one who knows how
to make you smile and will take care of you each and every day until the end of
time.
--Unknown
559.
Postulated:
the first few seconds of “Under Pressure” / “Ice, Ice, Baby” is the
Schrodinger’s Cat of the music world.
--Unknown
560.
Surround
yourself with people who fight for you in rooms you aren’t in.
--Unknown
561.
That
mountain you’ve been carrying, you were only supposed to climb.
--Unknown
562.
Welcome
home! In your absence, you were
missed. Now that you have returned,
though, things are all right. Let us
begin living again.
--Unknown
563.
First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing
because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing
because I no verbs.
--Usenet
564.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d
be unstoppable.
--Usenet
565.
Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your
control.
--Van Roy’s Truism
566.
Sports makes higher education palatable for students
who do not belong.
--Veblen
567.
Evil is not a philosophy. It is neither a means nor
an end. It is an attitude and a lifestyle. Make no excuses. Support no ideology.
Never explain. You’re evil. Just do it.
--Commodore Vierundsechzig, “Villain Supply”
568.
It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit
that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance
from knowledge.
--Voltaire
569.
A hundred bucks for sunglasses! They better be able
to see through clothes, or you got hella ripped off.
--Wackypants, “PD Central”
570.
You have to regard everything I say with suspicion.
I may be trying to bullshit you, or I may just be bullshitting you inadvertently.
--J. Wainwright, Mathematics 140b
571.
Never invest in something that violates a conservation
law.
--John Walker
572.
Aristotle was not Belgian. The central tenet of
Buddhism is not, “Every man for himself.” And the London Underground is not a
political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.
--Wanda (Jamie Lee
Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda
573.
People who can’t distinguish between etymology
and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
--Tal Waterhouse
574.
We need to make books cool again. If you go home
with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck them.
--John Waters
575.
If you can’t control your peanut butter, how can
you expect to control your life?
--Calvin in
“Calvin and Hobbes” by Bill Watterson
576.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere
in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
-- Calvin in
“Calvin and Hobbes” by Bill Watterson
577.
When
the globe is covered with a net of railroads and telegraph wires, this net will
render services comparable to those of the nervous system in the human body, partly as a means of transport,
partly as a means for the propagation of ideas and sensations with the speed of
lightning.
--Wilhelm Weber, 1835
578.
Human
history becomes more and more a race between education and
catastrophe.
--H.G. Wells
579.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried
before.
--Mae West
580.
I don’t know what’s scarier, losing a nuclear
weapon or that it happens so often there’s actually a term for it.
--Frank Whaley, “Broken
Arrow”
581.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
--Joss Whedon
582.
It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like
one.
--Phil White
583.
The Vulcan Neck Pinch is not half as powerful as the
Vulcan Groin Kick, but it’s more politically correct.
--William White
584.
I’m really excited to wait 18 weeks to see who
the Patriots beat in the Super Bowl.
--@whitememjesus
585.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you
are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
--Dennis Wholey
586.
Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.
–Oscar Wilde
587.
There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it
cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
--William’s Law
588.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, and eat a whole
box of Ex‑Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.
--Pearl Williams
589.
I was at a German talk show once (and they asked)
"Why do you think there isn't so much comedy in Germany?" And I said:
"Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?"
–Robin Williams
590.
Under the present brutal and primitive conditions
on this planet, every person you meet should be regarded as one of the walking
wounded. We have never seen a man or
woman not slightly deranged by either anxiety or grief. We have never seen a totally sane human being.
--Robert Anton Wilson
591.
Never murder a man when he’s busy committing suicide.
--Woodrow Wilson
592.
I think ‑ therefore I’m single.
--Lizz Winstead
593.
Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches.
I wish I could. It’s like having a little pet for your face.
--Anita Wise
594.
In my day, we didn’t have virtual reality. If a one‑eyed
razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you
could outrun him.
--Sarah M. Wolford,
Hanover
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