1.
… about
as funny as roman candles on a birthday cake.
2.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
3.
6 multiplied by 9 equals 42… in base 13.
4.
668: The Neighbor of the Beast
5.
98% of all statistics are made up.
6.
Academy: School where football is taught.
7.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t
exist.
8.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before
getting out of the water?
9.
After taking the test and failing it three times,
I thought to myself, “Maybe I’m not meant to be an I.Q.”
10.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
11.
Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what
you are talking about.
12.
All computers wait at the same speed.
13.
All generalizations are false.
14.
All I
want is a kind word, a warm
bed, and unlimited power.
15.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
16.
All right then, we shall duel. Choose your weapon:
swords or pistols. Swords? Fine, I choose pistols.
17.
Always try to do things in chronological order; it’s
less confusing that way.
18.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
19.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense
to be lazy.
20.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
21.
And out of the chaos spoke a voice to me saying, “Laugh
and be happy. It could be worse.” So I laughed and was happy. And it got worse.
22.
Any player who quotes from
“Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail” during a gaming session should be
made to eat their own character sheet.
23.
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing
can’t do any of them well.
24.
Anything that is not nailed down, is mine. Anything
that I can pry loose is not nailed down.
25.
Anything you can do can get you shot, including nothing.
26.
Applying computer technology is simply finding the
right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
27.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
28.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in
public schools.
29.
As you approach 4.0, study time approaches infinity.
30.
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that
it is not important that you understand what I’m doing or why you’re paying me so
much money. What’s important is that you continue to do so.
31.
Assassins do it from behind.
32.
Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a
comforting thought for those people who can’t remember where they leave things.
33.
At first, I was opposed to the so-called satellite
mind-control transmissions…
34.
Atheism is a non‑prophet organization.
35.
Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate
--Dorothy.
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