Quotes - Forty-One

 1.                   A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

2.                   A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

3.                   The Vatican Express card. Don’t leave Rome without it.

4.                   Virtual reality is its own reward.

5.                   Visualize Whirled Peas

6.                   Visualize Using Your Turn Signal

7.                   War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left.

8.                   We are all Cthulhu’s Children… especially those of us with tentacles.

9.                   We are the people our parents warned us about.

10.               We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it

11.               We’re going to assume a few things about reality.  One, it exists.  That’s not a necessary assumption, but I find it comforting.

12.               We’re making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

13.               Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

14.               What a nice night for an evening.

15.               What boots up must come down.

16.               What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?

17.               What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

18.               What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

19.               What was the best thing before sliced bread?

20.               What’s another word for “thesaurus”?

21.               What’s another word for “synonym”?

22.               What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore goes to a party and has sex with everyone. A bitch goes to a party and has sex with everyone but you.

23.               When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.

24.               When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.

25.               When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

26.               When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

27.               When evolution is outlawed, then only outlaws will evolve.

28.               When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.

29.               When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend’s Dad.  He said, “I want my daughter back by 8:15.”  I said, “The middle of August? Cool!”

30.               When sign makers go on strike, what do they carry at the picket lines?

31.               When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

32.               When you have secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy.

33.               When you’re tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the fire department uses water.

34.               When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

35.               Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

36.               Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

37.               Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

38.               Whoever said the hand is quicker than the eye obviously never tried rolling them down a ramp.

39.               Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

40.               Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

41.               Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

42.               Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”

43.               Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

44.               Why don’t they just make mouse‑flavored cat food?

45.               Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

46.               Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?

47.               Why is the universe here?  Well, what’s the alternative?

48.               Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

49.               Will someone tell me how many days it takes before breaking news becomes continuing coverage?

50.               Women like silent men; they think they’re listening.

51.               Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.

52.               Wouldn’t marathons be a lot more interesting if after the race started, hungry wild animals were released onto the course?  Tigers would be fun.

53.               Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

54.               Yes, black dragons are powerful.  So are level-20 fireballs, demi-gods, and huge mythic beasts.  But there is no force in the game as powerful as the combined selfishness and apathy of your players.

55.               You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

56.               You are truly one in a million. Which means there are nearly 8,000 other people just like you.

57.               You can have my Oxford comma when you pry it from my cold, dead, and lifeless hands.

58.               You don’t change horsemen in mid-Apocalypse

59.               You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

60.               You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

61.               You have to feel sorry for all the convicts in New Hampshire, stamping out license plates that say, “Live Free or Die.”