1. JESUS SAVES… But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!
2.
JESUS SAVES! But wouldn’t it be better if he had invested?
3.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a
single click.
4.
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re
not out to get you.
5.
Just remember you are unique. Just like everyone else.
6.
A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows
you to lose all your keys at once.
7.
Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams
were broadcast all over the world.
8.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in
the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the hell is the ceiling?”
9.
Last week, I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
10.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
11.
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a fire
hose.
12.
Let me see if I have this straight. I can go to thousands
of places in this state and buy a handgun, but I can’t buy any fireworks because
they are considered too dangerous?
13.
Let’s assume the semester’s over, so dying is a bad
thing.
14.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include
an annual free trip around the sun.
15.
Look out for #1. Don’t step in #2.
16.
The Lord’s Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg
Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence,
but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
17.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
18.
Love isn’t blind but like is just too freaked out
to see straight.
19.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
20.
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
21.
Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you won’t
be able to get out.
22.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a
job.
23.
Mechanical engineers make weapons; civil engineers
make targets.
24.
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with
it.
25.
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
26.
Millions long for immortality who don’t know what
to do on a rainy afternoon.
27.
Mind Control - when life hands you lemons, get other
people to make lemonade.
28.
Movie Rating System Explained:
G: Nobody gets the
girl.
PG: The Good Guy
Gets The Girl.
R: The Bad Guy Gets
The Girl.
X: Everybody Gets
The Girl.
29.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random
features.
30.
Namascray – The crazy in me recognizes and honors
the crazy in you.
31.
NASCAR would be a sport if half the cars were driving
in the other direction.
32.
The Navy shells the beach;
The Marines take the beach;
The Army secures the beach and builds barracks;
The Air Force lives in the barracks.
33.
Nearly
impossible = possible
34.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
35.
Never forget your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
36.
Never give up. And never, under any circumstances,
face the facts.
37.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with something
bigger and heavier.
38.
Never knock on Death’s door; ring the doorbell and
run (he hates that).
39.
Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
40.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
41.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
42.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
43.
Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel
agent.
44.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in
large groups.
45.
No brain, no headache.
46.
No matter how good she looks, just remember: some
other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
47.
The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please
rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
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